


nothingness - HIATUS

by AyeDreamer



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama & Romance, Leaving Home, M/M, Promises, Realization, Violence, beautiful mv, it gets fluffy, slight angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-02-01 20:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12712686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyeDreamer/pseuds/AyeDreamer
Summary: Daniel is trying to bring back life to a false reassurance, while all Jihoon wants to do is let go.When everything is lost and broken, it's a little too late for Daniel to realize that he's been running in a circle ofnothingness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction is based off of Wanna One's "Beautiful" MV, [this tweet](https://twitter.com/aye_dreamer/status/930033502191587328) and this [nielwink fmv](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUim2SVc0eo)

Jihoon could have grabbed Jisung and ran away. With a likely possibility, they would have made it out of that billiard place without trouble. No one had to get hurt any more than a simple shove and a few thrown verbal insults.

But it wasn't just a shove or a small insult to him. They've been bullied and degraded their whole lives: by their neighbours, by loan sharks and even by kids their age. They were orphans and the name orphan seemed to ring in people's mind that it was okay to perceive them as the weak at the bottom group of the food-chain.

If they had the money to pay for their rent and the jobs to provide for everyone's needs at home, maybe Jihoon wouldn't have to take up boxing to earn for a living. Maybe if he wasn't the talented one; the one who adapted to the sport skillfully and effectively, they would be living together normally as equals. But one must be sacrificed and be pushed through. He trained harder than anybody else, reached everyone's expectations and beyond. He'll be the breadwinner and provide for his family. He'll win match after match, get rich and move everyone out from this shitty environment. It was his only reason for living.

He became a boxer because there was no other choice.

His duty was to protect his friends. They were his pride who soothed all his pain away and made him move on from past regrets. They were his everything.

So when this ugly pig in the leather jacket shoved his pride and treated his everything like trash, his body flared up in anger. A man who only has one reason to exist, a man prepared to put his life at stake to protect this reason; there's nothing dumber to do than to provoke such an undaunted man.

An intense fight broke out.

 

**

 

Daniel is horrified.

He sees his friends taking in punches and kicks to their bodies. He sees them falling on the cold and wet pavement one by one. He hears screaming and a series of groans. Then he sees Jihoon; down on his knees bleeding and crawling to find safety from a corner. Daniel's eyes follows a man who's hand motions to reach for Jihoon, and suddenly, without another second to think, his long legs are running. Adrenaline rushes through him as he comes jumping in between the invader and Jihoon's battered figure. 

Jihoon is hunched over while clutching onto what seemed to be a broken shoulder. A pained expression crosses his face.

That was enough to drive Daniel mad.

 

**

 

A bat came swinging at Jinyoung but Jihoon chose to take the blow. And you know what, he'll do it all over again if ever the same situation was to repeat itself. No doubt in his mind would he use his body as a barricade to protect any of his friends.

They were his strength who kept him whole.

Pummeled to the ground, an echoing sound rang through his ears. Somebody had come in to join the fight. There was an animalistic growl that sounded awfully familiar. Jihoon turned his head, relieved to see Daniel- but not even a minute too soon, the colour on his face had drained up into pure  _white_.

The stench of blood whiffed his nose.

His head twirled to the direction it came from where he found crimson red liquid flowing out from a cracked and open skull. Mortifed. Jihoon instantly remembers. That was the guy he knocked out after saving Jinyoung. The guy who he didn't know had hit his head on the hard ground and died in an instant.

Fear dawned to Jihoon. And scared, he was so scared. His chest began to tighten up. Eyes completely wide upon realizing that _he_ had just killed. an. innocent. man.

 

**

 

"Jihoon, are you alri-" Daniel rushes to his side in worry but stops mid-way his sentence when he sees what Jihoon is staring at. 

 _It was an accident!_ Jihoon's mind is in frenzy. 

"I-I didn't mean it," he tries to explain. His voice is shaking along with his quivering body.

Daniel quickly hushes him albeit the terrifying and shock view he had just seen. "I know. It's okay. Everything is okay. I won't leave you."

_But it's not okay! Nothing's okay!_

Jihoon wants to yell. He wants to cry. 

**He didn't mean it! Believe him!**

The petrified look on Jihoon's face pierces through Daniel's chest. He wants the pain to immediately go away. He fears for Jihoon's suffering. Even though he knows it would take an infinite amount of effort from him to help Jihoon move pass this traumatic experience, he's willing to be patient.

For Jihoon.

* * *

**Jihoon was doing it for everybody.**

_"It was an accident, Jihoon. It's not your fault. I know it, Seongwoo hyung knows it, everybody knows it. Seongwoo hyung has been freed from jail. You can forget that the incident even happened. We can all move on. Promise me you'll move on."_

_**I promise.** _

_Without a heart. Without a soul. I make a phony promise._

_"Where's your bike?" I ask him one day. Everyone was there, they could hear us yet no one said anything because unlike me, they already knew the answer._

_"I sold it."_

_He says it like it was nothing and I froze._

_"But don't worry; I can work for it again if I continue to take those extra shifts from the convenience store. It's not like I need it right now too. Just don't forget to take your pill as pain relief while I head out to work, okay? Promise me."_

_**I promise.** _

_Without a heart. Without a soul. I make another phony promise._

_It was followed by another. And another. And another._

 

-

 

They get into a fight one night.

"They're important to me just as much as they're important to you, Ji! All I'm saying is you don't have to go as far as to always put your life on the line whenever they get into trouble!"

Jihoon wanted to retaliate and cuss him off. He wanted to yell at Daniel because it's not the same! Jihoon has been an orphan since he was a baby. He's been with the other guys longer than Daniel has, known and loved them for an extended period of time. Jihoon has no relative at all. His mother, his father and his older brother are all gone but Daniel still has a brother who is well and alive waiting for the day they can finally live together as a fixed family. He still has his old home to go back to while Jihoon has no one, has nothing. His friends are his everything. Much more than they are to Daniel who at least has something, a somebody.

And Jihoon likes to think that because of this significant difference, him and Daniel are two completely different people.

_You'd never understand because you are not me!_

Daniel should have stopped talking from there, but instead, he added, "Learn to walk away for once so I can stop worrying about you!" He really should have.

Because that sentence broke Jihoon's heart.

     Daniel was patient. But not patient enough.

     And Jihoon was stubborn. But more so in great pain.

 

* * *

**A memory flashes in Jihoon's head as he stared at his reflection from the bathroom mirror.**

_Daniel was crawling on the floor, checking underneath the dusty old couch. "Ji, I can't find the tape! Help me!"_

_I looked at him in disbelief. "Niel, Sungwoon hyung said he was going to keep it for awhile, remember? He hasn't finished putting the posters up on the next block."_

_"But I need it! I was gonna put up posters near that motorcycle store later!"_

_I sighed. "You have tomorrow."_ _The frown remained on his face; refusing to accept the condition but I knew that trying to comfort the sad puppy will only make me miss my daily routine of practicing every night before the big match. So out of my character, I offered to invite him. "I'm heading to the ring. You can come if you like."_

_Those eyes I love to stare into and swim in a pacific trance lit up as bright as the sun. "Really? But you don't usually want me there?"_

_"Because I don't want you to see me in my ugliest state of appearance."_

_Daniel chuckled. "Uglier than when you wake up with a bird's nest on your head?"_

_In an instant, I kicked him harshly on the leg because the nerve of this man! "Ow! I was kidding! You know I love your bird's nest of a head! I get weak in the knees whenever I see how adorable you look the moment you wake up from your slumber, my sleeping beauty. And you should also know by now that sweating or not, wearing a black-eye or not, having a busted lip or not, you will always be the prettiest person to me."_

_My cheeks immediately grew hot but chose to hold back on forgiving him so easily for the audacious comment. "I take it back. You're not joining me."_

_"Whaaat? I already said I was kidding! And you said I could!"_

_"Never mind what I said."_

_"Why?!"_

_"You will only distract me," I confessed in a willful way before adding, "Lock the door behind me. I don't have my key. Woojin took it, that goof."_

_"Oh wow, so I don't have tape or my Jihoon with me tonight. How lonely. Daniel is lonely."_

_"And Jihoon is leaving. Bye."_

_Daniel responded by grabbing my arm. "I thought you said you love me!"_

_"And I thought I said 'lock the door, honey.'"_

_"You didn't even call me 'honey'!_ _"_

_"Daniel," I huffed, "Are you gonna lock the door or am I gonna have to haunt Woojin's ass, fly kick him, add in a head-lock him just so I can get back my key to lock this damn door and go on with my practice? Do you really want your boyfriend to go through such complicated sufferings?"_

_"Ji, four words. Take. me. with. you."_

_I groaned at the stubborn man. "God damn it, this is all Woojin's fault! I swear I'm going to jump him the minute I see his ass! You can watch but I better not hear you cooing and bothering me while I practice."_

_Daniel shot me a toothy grin. "No promises there! Your visual is absolutely mesmerizing up there on the ring, and as your boyfriend, it is my rightful job to be your hype-man."_

_"I'm already regretting letting you come."_

_"Aw, I love you too, Ji."_

 

* * *

  **"You promised me you'd stay"**

Jihoon does not forget the night of the incident. Every night, he would remember and visualize the dead man lying on the cold pavement in his head. And silently, he will cry out of fear and self-hatred underneath his blankets while biting on the fabric. Daniel was a light sleeper so Jihoon kept in all the noises, and suffered quietly. 

He does not take the pills daily like what the doctor had asked him to do. Or what Daniel reminded him everyday to do. One by one he would flush them down the toilet because he wanted a lengthier time of hardship, of feeling the crucial pain his body took from the fight. Almost like he wished to be immobilized so he doesn't have to go back to boxing and accidentally kill someone again. 

"I promised you a lot of things

But I broke them all" 

* * *

 

Daniel refused to leave the hospital. Seongwoo got into a terrible accident from falling down a flight of stairs while working at a construction site. His older brother is currently undergoing a long-process of surgery and every added minute is making him go insane.

_Please, make it through hyung! Please, I just found you!_

The rest of group had decided to gather at their church and pray for Seongwoo to heal and wake up. They all know how hard it is to lose a relative and Daniel has been looking for Seongwoo for years. The brothers deserved to be happy (they all thought).

Jihoon was there. He prayed for Seongwoo. He prayed for everyone. Except for himself.

_"Ji, I'm scared! I don't want to lose him! Not again!" Daniel couldn't stop crying and it broke my heart. I wrapped my arms around him tighter in a comforting gesture._

_My voice began to crack and my vision turned obscure from the escaping tears. "I-I won't leave you." I said the exact same words he said to me that night._

_Unfortunately, it may not hold the same truth and promise Daniel carried when he said them to me.  Another phony promise; now too many to count._

_Daniel cried harder._

 

**

 

_beep_beep__

_beep_beep_beep__

_beep_beep_beep_beep__

"-news, the patient has been stabilized."

 _Stabilized_.

 _I have good news, the patient has been stabilized._ And it was the doctor who confirmed it!

THANK YOU, LORD!

Daniel couldn't help but kneel on the ground and say a grateful prayer.

Everyone released a sigh of relief. They were truly happy for the brothers. Jihoon was happy because Daniel still has his _somebody_.

Tears welled up again in his eyes but he caught them from falling.

He turned away from the joyful cheers and cries.

His feet were moving in a consistent pace. His head knew where he was going to which his body shamefully obeyed. Even when his heart was hammering in extreme opposition, he chose to close off its plea.

Jihoon left but not before making one final promise to himself.

It was to never return again.


	2. Chapter 2

_Something's up_.

"Has anybody seen Jihoon?" Daniel questions as he scans the room in confusion and notices that a certain dirty-blond haired boy is missing from the clique. "He hasn't come to see Seongwoo hyung yet."

The boys throw puzzled looks at one another before eventually responding with shakes of heads. As a matter of fact, they have not seen their boxer friend for quite some time now. Everyone's energy had been depleted from the long wait of the surgery's result that their hyper-senses have been deduced to a bare minimum of basic functions.

"Bathroom, maybe," Woojin pipes in with a shrug.

_Bathroom?_

Seongwoo tugs at Daniel's arm and offers him a weak smile. He adjusts his position on the bed, preferring to sit up to converse better with his brother. But he winces when the movement made his stitched stomach twist in an awful angle. "It's--ugh, fine, Daniel. He probably went off to do something important. He can always see me tomorrow."  

"Easy there, hyung." Daniel instantly reacts by fluffing the pillow for the lad to comfortably lean on. "We don't want you opening your wound now, don't we?"

_Why tomorrow? Why not now?_

Frankly, the puppy-looking boy is disappointed at the current circumstances. Seongwoo had just undergone what-could-have-been a fatal surgery, and him surviving the event is pretty much a given miracle. Daniel wants to share this moment with his most important people in the world: his friends and his other half. Because then his desired picture would be complete: a portrait of his happy family. Yet his other half is the only one missing, and it has made a bunch of pessimistic thoughts tumble in his head.

Seeing the crestfallen look on Daniel's face, Jisung steps forward to say, "Don't worry. I'm sure Jihoon will come by soon. He was really worried about Seongwoo and prayed at the chapel until the morning sun rose. He probably went home to get cleaned up so he can look better in front of your brother. He is your boyfriend after all. Showing up looking fresh and handsome should earn him brownie points from Seongwoo!"

Daniel chews on his bottom lip, but lets his shoulders relax.

Although his head pounded in fright; _Ignore it!_

So with a forced grin, he mutters, "But Ji doesn't have to do any of that. There's never a moment when he's not pretty."

His friends chuckle at his words. Kang Daniel is a real **sap** for their boxer friend.

"Beside," Daniel adds as he shifts his gaze to the patient in the room, "Seongwoo hyung likes him already, don't you, hyung?"

Seongwoo laughs at his brother's statement. "Yes, Daniel. I do like Jihoon. I think you're both perfect for each other."

_We are._

_We're imperfectly perfect._

_I know, and I trust that he'll be here._

_Won't you, Ji?_

They wait for Jihoon to show up.

The clock continues to tick.

Daniel can't help but glance at the door every now and then, expecting it to open for his boyfriend's silhouette to finally make its appearance. Jinyoung and Daehwi who notices his antsy movements excuse themselves to the bathroom in hopes of bumping into their MIA friend.

Knocking, Daehwi asks, "Jihoon hyung, are you the one in this stall?"

"Ji-who?" the person inside replies with an annoyed tone.

"Ah, I'm sorry, sir!"

'Where are you?' Everyone urgently wonders.

* * *

Visiting hours end at 8 o'clock in the evening. The nurses ask them to kindly leave the hospital.

They wait for exactly ten hours and have their hopes crushed.

Worry crosses Daniel's mind more profoundly.

_Something is really up! Jihoon should've been here long ago!_

After saying a farewell to his brother with a promise of visiting him the next morning, Daniel rushes passed his group of friends and hurries home. The first thing he does after slamming the door open is to check his shared room with Jihoon. The sleeping beds appear to be untouched and their little belongings still had the same dust they had from yesterday. His next immediate move is to separate the closet blinds.

His eyes dart towards Jihoon's colourful clothes which remained to fill in half of the space. This is a good sign because there's no way someone would leave town without packing anything!

Daniel marches to the bathroom. The light is off and the items are placed exactly where they have been left before. The only issue now is actually finding the boy. Frowning, he walks out to the direction of the kitchen. It's empty like all the other corners of the house.

"Damn it, where is he?" he curses impatiently.

The backyard flashes in his head in epiphany. _Our special spot! He has to be there!_

Naturally, Daniel sprints.

Sometimes Jihoon likes to sit on the grass here. It's a befitting site for a relax time to lie on the field and stargaze. As the caring and responsible older boyfriend he is, Daniel would follow Jihoon out with a blanket in hand after Jisung had scolded the couple for sitting too long on a muddy terrain. Nonetheless, it was a tranquil and enjoyable date perfect for two.

If Daniel were to tell you the truth, Jihoon always looked more stunning than the night view itself.

He often tells the younger boy this because he likes to see Jihoon get flustered around him. Also because his words are true and Daniel wants to let the boy know how much he loves him.

* * *

_"Ji, you do know you're beautiful?"_

_The short lad replies with a snort, "What are you spouting on about?"_

_Daniel turns his head to stare at Jihoon intensely. Both his hands reach forward to cup each side of the latter's cheek. "I'm being serious here. You're mesmerizing; I'm almost scared that if I look away from you even if only for a second, someone will try to take you away from me."_

_With a bashful look, Jihoon tries to swat the palms off of his face. However, the older boy is too stubborn for his own good, unable to turn away from that thousand watt smile being thrown at him. Grumbling, Jihoon sighs, "Don't spout such flowery words."_

_"But I'm scared. I can't picture myself without you."_

_The sudden declaration made Jihoon instantly frown. He placed his hands over Daniel's large ones and say, "I'm not going anywhere, Niel."_

_Slowly, Daniel's smile begins to fall until they no longer reached his ears. "We want and need a lot of things. And although I'm confident that we can get through anything together, and achieve what it is that we want to achieve, I am also aware that there will be potholes along the road. I will not give up on us. I will be there, standing at the bottom of the cliff, ready to catch you if ever you fall. I need you to know this. And I need you to believe me."_

_Soft lips came to press themselves against his chapped ones. "I know you will. How many times do you think you have to suffocate me at night with your tight hugs and whisper i-love-yous into my ears for me to know that I can always count on you to keep me at bay from falling? I can never doubt you. I know you're trying. With all the part-time jobs, with wanting to find your brother, and with cheering me on despite us both knowing that you want to be on the ring too; you're doing it all. You're doing everything you can, and we can all see your efforts. So don't sell yourself short. Because just like how you worry about me and everyone else, I worry about you too. I love you and I won't leave you. It'll take more than one handsome guy to sweep me off my feet. They're going to have to be a Kang Daniel to be some kind of exception, which is absolutely impossible since there's only one You."_

_Daniel chuckles before stealing another peck from his boyfriend. "Well, then I guess you're stuck with me for the rest of your life."_

_"I wouldn't dream of another fate. But."_

_"..But?"_

_"But if you think this is a legit proposal, think again, Niel. I still need you to be on your knees while sliding a ring on my finger before you are allowed to actually call me your hubby."_

_Eyes widening accompanied by a surprised laugh, Daniel cooes at his cute boyfriend's wishes. "Of course, my future-hubby! I will save up for that ring!"_

* * *

"Did I m-iss?" Daniel's voice cracks.

Those tall legs of his finally give in to the weight of gravity. He's kneeling on the small greenery field with his heart thumping against his chest rapidly, wanting to burst. Droplets of water have begun to soak his shirt. It takes him a minute to realize that they were not from any rain cloud above the sky; its summer for god sake. Instead, the water sprinkle had been falling uncontrollably from his glistened eyes.

**I thought you said I was enough?**

**Had I not shown you how much I love you?**

**Have I failed?!**

**I will try harder, I promise!**

**You're the only person in the world who truly understands me!**

**With you I can be my real self. I don't have to pretend I'm strong. I don't have to pretend I'm alright. I can be weak. I can cry. I can hurt.**

**Was I not able to do the same for you?**

**Had I only burden you with my selfish needs?**

Most importantly,

"Jihoon, please tell me. Did I miss to catch you when you fell?"

   

**

 

The door angrily slams open. "If you continue to stay out here, you'll catch a cold," Jaehwan says in a stern voice.

"I'm fine. Jihoon might show up any minute soon. I want to be the first person to see him."

Harsh comments lay at the tip of Jaehwan's tongue but he refrains from actually voicing them aloud. He knows how much Daniel loves Jihoon, though he had also been so sure that the love was equally (if not, more than) reciprocated. Thus, he doesn't want to believe any possible notion that Jihoon may have left them because of some burnt out spark. It doesn't make sense no matter how much he thinks about it. Something else drove their friend away. And he's afraid of contemplating on whether he and all the other orphans supported such a hasty decision.

*Jihoon stood as the breadwinner of the family; surely, the pressure must have gone to him. That fight too from a few weeks ago; anyone would be fucked up in the head after accidentally killing someone! I should have tried to talk to him. I should have done something. God, why am I so useless?*

Jaehwan fists his hands in anger before letting out a grunt. "Come in if you get too cold. There's no harm in waiting inside. I'm worried too. We all are." And then he's gone.

-

It's already 11 o'clock in the night but Daniel shows no sign of moving from his place.

Guanlin briefly comes out carrying a blanket. "Don't get sick, hyung," their youngest member says before walking back into the house. Everyone is waiting with a heavy heart.

The morning sun rises.

Jisung is upset at the discovery that Daniel waited and had fallen asleep outside in the chilly air.

Daniel catches a cold. Unable to visit and face Seongwoo in his state, he is forced to lock himself in his room full of distress. The other bed beside his has gone untouched for more than 24 hours, and at its bare sight, he couldn't help but to eventually break down into a fitful sob. 

_How did everything turn out like this?_

 

**  

 

The alley way is masked by darkness as the moon replaces the sun up in the sky. Jihoon has no knowledge as to what may happen to him as he continues to walk along the unfamiliar pavement away from the town. He's waiting for his legs to simply succumb in exhaustion before he can finally stop in his tracks and properly consider all the people he's leaving behind. This is a simple mindless journey of escapee. He needs fresh air. He needs to isolate himself from his home because he doesn't want to poison his friends with his dark thoughts. After seeing how wildly aggressive he can be in nature, he's afraid that one day, he will turn these knuckles on his friends whether he intended to or not.

Jihoon is scared of himself and the monster sleeping deep inside of him.

Because right now all he feels is anger. The memories of his Jisung hyung being shoved by a jackass at the pool, of Jinyoung nearly being hammered by a wooden bat, of Woojin and Jaehwan being beaten to the ground, bleeding...they were all bleeding so much...cuts on their lips, upper brow and bruised cheeks...Jihoon had been so furious that he actually **did** want to kill those bastards. He did, and he thought of doing so **over and over** again, professing his need to crack their skulls for hurting his friends.

If the reason Jihoon took up boxing in the first place was to make a living, it's different now, and he knew it. He is not in the right state of mind to stand on the ring again. He fears that the urge to kill someone would itch in his brain and be triggered for him to truly act upon it.

He's a ticking bomb waiting to explode that will catch everything and everyone around him on fire once popped.

He's too **dangerous**. So he has to disappear.

* * *

 

There had been no sign of life in front of Jihoon's path until a shout for help reaches his ears.

He doesn't understand the drive that comes over him, but he dashes to the source of the sound without stumbling on his feet. The sight of an older man being pressed against the brick wall with their hands locked behind their back greets him while two other men are seen feeling their pockets. "Someone help me, please! Help!"

"Shut up, old man," a younger man in his twenties demands as he fishes a knife from his back pocket. "It's unfortunate you stepped into our territory. Give me all your money or I won't hesitate to slice your throat."

"The keys too to your rich ass car," the other accomplice says. "Haven't seen or ridden one in my entire life."

"Do you even know how to drive?"

"No, but I can always sell it if I fail to learn how and it becomes useless."

"Dumbass, I have my eyes on that car too. Why do you get to have it?"

In the middle of the conversation, the latter had suddenly pulled out a pistol nestled under his jacket and pointed it at his partner in a threatening position. "Because while you carry a measly knife in hand, I actually carry a gun that can blow people's heads off. There are two bullets in here, Julio. I can shoot this man right through the centre of his forehead, have him die instantly and still be left with one. The remaining bullet will bust your brain open if you dare touch that fine car's booty. And **that** is the reason why I get to have it."

The captured man panics at the appearances of the weapons. "O-Okay, I under-stand. I-I I will give- you- everything I have. My c-car, my money, everything! Just please, don't k-kill me! I have a son at home waiting for me to come back, pl-lease take pity on me."

After being stripped from the desired possessions, the two robbers order the man to face the wall while kneeling. The latter can only follow in fear. A click sends him to uncontrollably cry and beg for his life, "NO! NO! Don't do it, please!"

"You died the minute you set foot on this base, old man."

"It wasn't my intention to come here! I-I don't know this area! I was coming to visit a client and took a detour! You can't kill me for something I didn't know!"

"God damn it, enough with your yaps! You're damaging my ears! Look, I'm no fucking fortune teller but there really isn't anything you can say to me that will change my mind from shooting a bullet through your wealthy head. I just hate all of you spoon-fed bastards. Try the afterlife; at least you and I will no longer breathe the same air."

"NO! DON'T!!!" The man's scream echoes through the alley. He's ready for the gunfire to resound in his eardrums that should leave him deaf and unconscious. His soul should have left his body and flew to wherever place the Almighty deems it should be.

But no bullet rips his head apart. Only noise of a scuffle, of grunts, hits and two shots fired forces him to stay glued to the ground, praying for his turn to pass. *Don't kill me. Don't kill me. Don't kill me,* he thinks in a terrorized mantra. *Not me.*

"It is a pretty neat car," an unfamiliar voice interrupts.

The man holds his breath, paralyzed at the sudden presence of a stranger.

"Have you gone deaf? Are you immobile? Get up."

With trembling legs, he forces himself to obey the voice and turn around with his guard still very much up. "Please, d-don't kill me."

"I'm not going to kill you," the deep voice finds its owner and it's Jihoon. "I saved you. Now do the same for me."

"Save you? W-What do you want me to do?"

"It's simple. **Take me home with you**." 

* * *

"Dad, what took you so long- who the fuck is this?" a twenty year old son asks his father who finally comes home late, passed midnight, stepping out of the vehicle followed by the companion of a stranger.

"This is Jihoon, Donghan. He'll be part of our family. He doesn't have a home or any parents to look after him so I have decided to take him in. Do welcome him as much as you can. I-I know this is a shocking decision, but it's a responsibility I am willing to bear."

Donghan eyes the person who is supposed to be his new brother. This Jihoon person is covered with cuts on his hands as if he had just gone into a fight and he's carrying no bag with him. *Is this person a bastard from a side bitch?* the son frowns in thought.

There's something fishy about this whole ordeal, and with the way his father is trying to appear composed despite those anxious fingers drumming against those tailored pants; there's a complicated story here that he intends to find out.

"He can live here all he wants, but I refuse to see him as my brother. He's nobody to me." Jihoon flinches at the harsh response though he says nothing back. "I left curry in the microwave, have dinner if you two haven't eaten already. Or you can wake up one of the maids to cook you something else if curry isn't your guest's taste. If you need anything from me save it for tomorrow. I need my rest." He's as quickly as he appeared.

The elder man mutters an apology, "Excuse my son. His name is Kim Donghan. He lost his mother at a young age and isn't comfortable in dealing with strangers. He doesn't know how to express himself, but at heart, he's actually a very good guy."

"I can't blame him. He probably thinks you cheated on his mother, had me and is now sheltering a bastard as if my own mother had just passed away. I'll try not to get in the way of you or your son. I'm here because I want to make an honest living. I'll go once I've achieved my goal."

_I don't want to tie myself to boxing like it's the only thing I can do to earn money. I have to get away from that life so I don't end up hurting anyone. So I can return to my friends and to the one I truly left behind-- Daniel._

Mr.Kim, Donghan's father, knows it's risky to take a stranger into his home. But after discovering that during the scuffle, the bullets had bounced off the wall and a random can which ricocheted to one of the robber's leg, Jihoon had knocked the two out yet had the human decency to dial an ambulance for the unconscious men. Mr.Kim is convinced that Jihoon's intention must likely be pure. Thus, he has taken it upon himself to help the boy who gave him another shot at life.

He can only pray that he is making a wise decision among all things by introducing Donghan to Jihoon. He can only pray.

 

**

 

"I want to replace Jihoon on the ring," Daniel declares in front of the head caretaker and his friends. "If anyone's going to take up his past role, it should be me."

 

**Daniel**

I wanted many things.

I prayed for many things.

But I had forgotten to pray for you because I believed you'd never leave since you were already mine.

If I had known, I would have begged to the Lord, ran and screamed to the World---that I love you more than you know.

Can I have a forever with you? Granted the hurt and pain along the way, as long as I'm with you, it'd be okay.

We'd be okay  _somehow_.

But now you're gone.

I am broken, baffled, and distraught---

You've left me all alone.

 

You're so unfair, Park Jihoon.

You up and walked out of my life without a trace, and took my heart with you.

Even when you promised me you'd never leave. Was I the only one who believed in our promises?

Give me back my heart, you thief.

But make sure to return it with a kiss.

Because Heaven knows you're the only person it beats for.


	3. Chapter 3

**Murderer! Murderer! Murderer!**

Jihoon jolts awake in bed sweating profusely. He tries to catch for air that has been mysteriously clogged off from his trachea by clutching tightly onto his shirt. With his heart vigorously pumping blood; so loudly, he fears he'd go deaf any minute now.

The room screams an abundance of unfamiliarity: his bed is too big for comfort (it covers him with loneliness), the wall is too blue contrast to the usual whiteness he sees every day, and the space is too empty that it makes him realize how much he misses a certain presence near his own.

"Daniel," Jihoon whispers into the night, albeit knowing that there is no one who would respond to him. "Daniel. Daniel. Daniel."

A regretful tear escapes his left eye. "I miss you, and I'm sorry."

He curls himself to one side of the bed, resisting the need to sleep.

Ultimately, the fear of seeing the monster that looks like him continue to plague his mind, and it makes him wonder, *How long will I have to suffer with this fear?*

Mr.Kim does not ask him why he looks terribly tired the next morning at breakfast, out of consideration for his privacy. But the older man does ask him the more important question. "What will you do now?"

"I want to apply for a job," Jihoon says while poking the freshly cooked bacon from his plate with a fork. "I'm okay with any job as long as they pay well."

"There's a website I know that puts up a list of jobs for hiring. You can start there."

This would be easy.

Honestly, he isn't picky with the positions employers may offer. Neither does he care whether the task is simple or hard to do. He will work hard, adapt to the working environment, offer great service, and forget (or at least avoid) his past  _dangerous_  self. He is confident he'd do well and is determined to make his sudden allocation produce success because his main goal is to send money back home.

Standing as the breadwinner of his family; it is his role to feed and school his orphan friends. Thus, everything he will work for in this big city will be delivered to the orphanage. Because even if he is physically away from everyone, his heart stays with them.

So eagerly, Jihoon applies for ten different jobs.

Unfortunately, all of them  **rejects**  him.

 

**

 

"What did you expect?" A voice mumbles into his ears.

The sound sends a tickling sensation down Jihoon's spine that made him immediately whip his head to the sudden intruder. In surprise, he sees Donghan peeking over his shoulder to take a good look at the computer screen in front of him. An upsetting email is opened with the message:  _We are sorry to inform you that your application has been denied._..

"You're not qualified for any job. Even the simple ones."

Wearing a deep frown, Jihoon says, "But why?"

Kim Donghan, being the annoying shit he is, snorts. "What do you mean why? First, you've just recently moved into this city so it would be difficult for any employer to trust you with any task. Second, you lack even the most basic requirement to being employed for any job. You literally put 'middle school' as your latest completed-education. In this day and age, a high school diploma changes the game."

As Jihoon listens to the harsh-truth, he begins to sink into his seat, feeling hopeless. The head figure of the orphanage, Mr.Jun, could not afford to school any of the orphans for further education above middle-school grade. It goes without saying that while normal teens went to high school, attained knew knowledge and made new friends; kids like Jihoon were expected to work hard in labour. They lived in a rural place of a small town in Busan where the cheapest crimes like gang dealers, robberies and illegal underground businesses occurred. The production and payment were somehow enough to get by but dreams never made fruit. They were broken and simply nonexistent.

Blending in with the high society and trying to climb up the social hierarchy...? What is he thinking? It's a stupid ambition. 

The door to his room closes as Donghan walks off to who-knows-god-where, which leaves Jihoon all alone to deal with his added worries. 

 **How am I going to get a better job and earn hundreds of bucks if no one is willing to hire me? How will I support my family now!?** **Fuck. This.**

**Why is the universe so cruel?**

**I just want them all to live well. Their future doesn't even have to include me.**

**I left my other-half..!!**

**'Not letting everything be in vain. I can't go back to them empty handed. I'm stuck here.**

* * *

"My son may not look like it but he's a Straight A student. I can ask him to tutor you for your GED if you want?"

Jihoon bites his bottom lip. "Will he want to help me though?"

Pride be-damn. Help is what he needs and if Donghan has that hand that can pull him up to the surface, he'll take it.

"No. Get out."

A man like Jihoon doesn't beg. In any absolute circumstances, he would never even think of doing so.

 _Unless,_  it's for the sake of his family.

"Please, Donghan. I'll repay you."

The older boy shoots him a cold look and does nothing else but cross his arms. Dark-brown eyes proceeds to scan Jihoon's body; examining him like some meat, from his toes, to his apple hips, to his face. After formulating a mischievous idea, Mr.Kim's son licks his lips in desire.

"Strip."

"What?"

"I said strip. Take off your clothes. Get naked."

"And why the hell would I do that?" Jihoon's stare hardens. But the lad only raises his brow.

"If you want me to tutor you, you will let me fuck you in the ass and on my bed. Now either start unzipping your pants or show yourself out. The door is right behind you."

 ** _Slap_**.

"...You disgust me."

* * *

Purple blotches decorated Daniel's skin. His lips were busted and every single muscle on his body ached in pain from the countless of punches they endured. As he took a massive hit on the side of his head, the cheering from his friends soon vanished until he couldn't hear anything anymore.

 _I'm not going anywhere Niel_. (Jihoon's voice)  
_I worry about you too._ (Jihoon's words)  
_I love you._ (Jihoon's confession)  
_And I won't leave you_. (Jihoon's promise)

**They were all lies.**

**Lies. Lies. LIES.**

You promised me you'd stay!  
You made me believe that I can trust you!

You made me believe we had a forever.  
You broke me, Jihoon. You broke me.

You broke me and yet,

And yet,  
Why.  
Why do I still love you.  
Why.  
Why.  
Why.  
**Why did you leave me.**

The final bell rings though the sound simply passes through his ears.

"Winner. The one on my left--Kang Daniel."

He sees his friends celebrating his victory. They're wearing smiles on their faces, although the worry remains evident. The next thing he knows, he's standing in an office sporting a swollen face as the ring leader shoves a bulky envelope into his hands.

"Here's your reward."

Hearing those words and holding the actual prize money in flesh slowly eases Daniel's mind.

This is all that matters. This is what I'm doing this for.

* * *

*I know I'm desperate but I'm not THAT desperate that I would give my body to somebody just so I can pass a dumb GED test.*

Jihoon furiously grabs one of the textbooks Mr.Kim kindly let him borrow from his desk before flipping its page open. *I can study alone. I'll show you, you bastard. I'll make it on my own without your help.*  

The face of his boyfriend pops up inside his head.  
His hands come to a still.

Frankly, he doesn't know where he and Daniel's relationship stands now. Was him leaving town a sign that he wanted to break up? Although on his part that wasn't his intention. He doesn't know if Daniel even misses him, or if the latter hates him for disappearing without a word.

Jihoon loves the older boy. He can't see himself loving anybody else than his adorable, diligent and caring Niel. But he can't find a way to get these feelings across. Not with their current distance. So he shakes his head and goes back to focusing at the task in hand.

*I'll come back. Someday, I will.*

-

  
Studying in perseverance alone, visiting the library on Mr.Kim's suggestion, making friends with the librarian and asking her for answers on the mock test questions ALL PAID OFF.

Jihoon had done it.

There was a mail sent for him. It was the result.

A red ink was printed at the top of the paper. _Fail_ was his first thought because the colour red never did bring upon a good mark. He had been paled when he unsealed the letter, but the word he'd pray to see every night after taking the test, strikingly appeared before him.

PASS.

For the first time since Jihoon chose to leave his home and his family...he wears a joyous smile.

* * *

"Bad mood, Donghan?" Taehyun questions as soon as his rich friend enters the building by rudely kicking the door open.

The lad grumbles. "There's a leech in my house. He's cute and I'd love to fuck him, but he has barely even glanced my way."

Chuckling, Taehyun says, "Wow. The Great Player Kim Donghan has failed to get into somebody's pants. Is the world ending?"

A shoe flew passed his head, missing him by a centimeter. "Shut up. Cutie will come around. He's apparently bent on getting a high-paid job." Snorting, the violet-haired boy adds, "With his bare achievements, he's lucky if he gets hired as a janitor."

"What are you going to do? Fuck his chances even more?"

Donghan smirks. "Why not. It'd be nice if he comes begging back to me for help. I can get him a job here in our club. Keep him close."

Clicking his tongue, Taehyun retaliates, "We run an illegal business of underground boxing. It'd be too risky to bring a stranger in. We don't want no whistle blower."

"Chill. The dude needs money. I doubt he'd tell. And even if he tried, I have my men to keep him quiet."

Although he still does not like the idea, Taehyun already knew that once Donghan set his mind on something, it is close to impossible to change his decision. With a roll of his eyes, the older boy could only sigh, "Do what you want. You're the big boss. Anyway, business talk: There's tension in one of our rings in Busan. Apparently, a rising champion has appeared. Kang- _something_. I was thinking of heading there this weekend to size him up, and see if he's worth our contract. The investors are slowly getting bored of the same-old fights. They want a new face. Kenta and the others have already started their search. Are you coming with us outside the field?"

"Nah, I'll leave the recruitment to you. I have a business party to attend to with the investors. I trust your judgment. In the meantime, I'll have fun torturing Cutie over at my place. But tell me immediately if this Kang person is good. I'd love to see our latest toy in his best condition before he's eventually destroyed in the ring."


End file.
